[About Myself]
Matthew Chan
12 (24.11.92)
Raffles (heh, elitist)
Waterpolo
Saggitarius
[1337]
Swimming
Gaming (KoL+MapleStory)
Writing... weird crap
Making fun of people
Being crabby (nah.)
Anime/Manga (Slam Dunk?)
[n00b]
Certain irritating unnamed teachers
Work that doesn't count as fun
Bad results
Getting bossed
[Please man.]
PSP
If not, X-box
Get all holiday work done
Spiritual growth
Strength. as in, brute. for polo.
Patience
[EXternal]
beanneth
biquan
chanel
che
chiang fong
chuan hong
cmaine
david
junle
keng yong
pay
raash
tingan+others
tingan2
[Credits]
Knocking
Blogger
Blogskins
Image
[Tag
Me!]
Thursday
"GO BUY FROM BULLSHIT AND CO. NOW!!!!" a loudspeaker bkares in the background. Advertisements blot out almost all other sound. The curtains unveil!
Oprah Losefrey: Hello Mr Chan? How's it going?
Matthew Chan: Cut the craptalk! I have to attend the Dustbin Arrangement Society in half an hour!
Dustbin Arrangement Society?
We praise the dustbins everyday, and every month we have an event called 'Dustbin Harmony'. Actually I go there to pig out on chocolate-coated eclairs. Yum... chocolate-coated eclairs...
Anyway, heard that you have been embarking into some successful venture called NewMamee and Co.?
Successful? I don't even care much , and wouldn't have cared if this wasn't my milestone-ish 100th business?? It's just printing black squiggly stuff on pieces of paper and selling them for legal tender. Quite profitable, really, Oprah.
And what about the accusations about you and someone called Happy?
Hey, there's nothing, really. I'm straight, he's sick, lunatical, and ever too "high". I'm reporting him to the police soon. Heroin is illegal.
Can you stop blattering? Say something serious!
OK. Hey Mom, I'm on TV!!! Tape this down will you?
And what do you think about Kenneth Siah? You know, the tall guy whom you allege has... something sick.
Hey! I have nothing to do with someone who likes a self-proclaimed "bitch" and has... something sick.
And now let's talk about something that sells. What do you think of the English Premier League?
Rooney is an idiot. Period.
What are your perspectives regarding the Mamee industry?
NYPS GEPs are too stoopid. Buck up guys, you're previleged to have a 3-year education-Plus! Don't go throwing away your money! But the magazine is actually directed at lower primaries.
This Mamee industry can be worked on, by having a magazine like I thought of. You must give someone a reason to throw away your money! So you go get lame jokes and riddles. Without the mag your maximum profit is 20c per packet? With the mag, you can earn up to 50c. I'm not kidding!
Whew. Finally something serious.
No actually this was out of the script those backstage guys gave me.
Don't go around revealing everything!!! Our show won't have that many viewers now!
Huh, reveal what? The fact that the Oprah Losefrey Show is all faked?
Don't make me saying anything profane. I'm prone to swearing.
Wow, great idea! This will definitely boost viewers ratings! Swearing on un-live television!
And what do you think about our new PM?
No actually it's the MM who should be happy. Imagine: MM carries luggage and steps into Istana. "We're back home, guys!" And he goes around to sniff old furniture. But no offence, no offence. All in jest. I rather support the government.
What do you think can be changed?
The PAP needs to change! It's been known for its seriously rote education! And aunties and uncles and Ah Peks are now associated with the kindergarten. But actually... don't change anything! I'm still bitter about those 2 years of worthless education. Let 'em suffer! is my motto.
I would also like to say 4 words.
Go on.
Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Hold on I forgot the last word. Anyway Harry Potters here?
The curtain slowly fades away. Suddenly, a silhouette of some big fat lady appears. "Remember to turn up for the Nanyang Opening Ceremony! You can attend the Floral Harmony Exhibition or go to the fun fair. I tell you, our floral art is the best-" Hear, hear!
[4:52 PM]
We're big, we're bad, and we're...adorable?